Last week at debrief, I was sitting with Steph in a coffee shop and I was scrolling through Facebook and I came across a post that said this:
“Today, my life was forever changed.
I had my first session of a class I’m taking called “Developing Intimacy With God.”
During prayer, I said, “Father I feel so lonely”.
He said “Yes I miss you too.”
Confused by the Fathers response, I said, “Father what do you mean? That has nothing to do with what I just said to you.”
He said, “actually it has everything to do with what you just said to me. Lindsay, loneliness is a lie. It actually doesn’t exist. You compartmentalize your life and only include me in the spiritual parts of your life, when I actually want to be included in every part of your life- spiritual or unspiritual. And I am a part of your spiritual and unspirutual life- I’ve never left you nor have I forsaken you. But you keep trying to strive into my presence, when I’ve been sitting next to you this whole time, waiting for you to acknowledge Me.”
I wept. Then I asked Father, “okay, so what would my life look like if I didn’t compartmentalize where I include you?”
He said:
It would look like you waking up in the morning and see me sitting on the end of your bed, smiling over you. Hearing me wish you good morning.
It would look like asking me what makeup look you should do today- I gave you the gift of art and you’re so good at it. I’d love to help you!
It would look like holding my hand in the car on your drive to school.
It would look like introducing your non believer friends and family to me in day to day life.
When you get hungry throughout the day, I want to go to lunch with you. I want to go to the grocery store with you. I want to eat a meal with you and just spend time hearing about your day.
When you are frustrated and disappointed and you’re having a bad day, I want to be the Rock you can lean on. I want you to lay your head on my chest and let me comfort you- I can handle you having a bad day.
I’m not a Father who just wants to do the “spiritual things” with you.
I want to read my Word with you and reveal to you all of the mysteries of the Kingdom AND I want to go to the movies with you.
I want to watch you worship AND I want to go for a walk with you in the park.
I want to sit with you and hear all of your prayers BUT I also want to talk with you while you’re bored at work.
I want to give you endless amounts of powerful, unexplainable Holy spiritual experiences, but I also want to be with you in the seemingly mundane.
I created you to be intimate with me, not just in church, not just in prayer, not just in worship, not just in times of need, but in ALL that you do.
I love you Lindsay. I want to spend the rest of your earthly life with you, just as much as I want to spend eternity with you. “
And in that moment, a grace came over me and unlocked my heart.
In worship I wasn’t just singing along with words on a screen, but I saw each word come to life and I understood them completely for the first time.
I didn’t strive to feel your presence in my prayers today because I knew you were sitting right next to me, holding my hand.
Realizing that you’ve been sitting there waiting for me to acknowledge you all along, has unlocked my heart to intimacy and has changed the way I see and experience the Father forever.
I am forever changed.”
[post from Lindsay Davis]
After I read that, I asked Jesus to hold my hand. And He did. And every day since I read that I have asked Him to hold my hand. And He has.
Then I turned to Steph and I said, “Let’s go do ATL (ask the Lord).” And she said, “Okay!” So we walk out of the coffee shop, praying and asking God who is on His heart or who He wants us to talk to. And in Siem reap, there are lines of Tuk Tuk drivers hollering at you, wanting you to hop in their Tuk Tuk. So I turned to Steph and said, “How about we go talk to one of the drivers.” and so we did! We went up to one of them and said, “Do you have a faith?” and he was very confused. And we asked again in a different way, “Do you know God?” and he was STILL confused and didn’t understand what we were saying. So he motions to his tuk tuk friends across the street and they come running down, thinking we want a tuk tuk. And they asked us where we wanted to go. We explain to them that we are just asking if he knows God. And THEY were confused too. So Steph points down to her cross tattoo on her wrist and the drivers friend goes, “Ahh yes!” and makes a cross motion on his neck. And me and Steph light up and say, “yes! God! Jesus! Christian!” And He then says, “Yes. 4:30, go down the street and turn left. I take you.” Me and Steph look at each other and we both realize that they just didn’t understand and most likely wouldn’t. So we said thank you and walked down the street.
As we were leaving, I was a little disappointed because I thought that the Lord was telling me to go talk to people about Him. But right after Steph said, “At least we were obedient!”
And the Lord reminded me, “Eliza, I’m inviting you to follow me and spread my love. You wont always see the fruit, but there will be seeds planted.”
That man we talked to heard the sweet name of Jesus! And we got to plant a seed. And we were obedient to the Father.
My squad leader, Taylor, recently reminded me to wake up each morning and ask the Lord how much is ‘enough’ for today. As missionaries, its easy to feel like we aren’t doing enough to spread the kingdom. But God reminded me that what we just did was enough that day. And He held my hand through it all.
Blessings!
Eliza
